This is my first day alone in this house since Daddy passed. When I had days off he and I would watch movies and just chit chat, talk and have fun cutting up.
Last night I told God I wanted him back even though I know such a thing is impossible. I had a moment of weakness because I loved him so much. My greatest fear sometimes has been did he know how much I loved him. You start thinking about all the things you did or didn’t do. I regret I didn’t see him as much in rehab when he was learning how to function without his second leg. I regret I didn’t get more than two weeks with him. I know I had Thanksgiving with him and there are a lot of things I say to be really, really strong—-and I mean them….
Just right now the missing him is far greater than anything else and I keep crying. I cried so hard last night I had a headache after. I know Daddy would want me to think of all the happy times, he was a man that was the perfect description of living each day to its fullest….I just wish I could hear him say he loved me again. Or feel him hug me one more time. Or hear him laugh.
It hurts more than I can stand sometimes…and being alone in this house today reminds me of that so, very, very much.